We often think of relationship problems as something private that only concerns the couple, and that shouldn’t be shared with others. However, sometimes the difficulties are so complex that overcoming them without outside help is nearly impossible. In such cases, working with a therapist together can be the most effective path to a solution. In this article on bronxanka.com, we’ll take a detailed look at the specifics of couples therapy.
What Is Couples Therapy and How Is It Different from Individual Therapy
When we think of psychotherapy, we often imagine a person alone with a therapist, sharing their experiences. This is individual therapy—a space where the focus is on the inner world of one person. The so-called therapeutic alliance between the client and the psychotherapist is crucial here. The specialist is on the client’s side, supporting them and helping them understand their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
But in couples therapy, everything is different. The main subject is not an individual, but the relationship between two people. The therapist in this process doesn’t take sides but remains neutral. Their role is to be a kind of translator, helping partners see hidden patterns, recognize their own needs, and learn to truly hear each other without blame.
You could say that individual therapy is a journey inward, while couples therapy is a bridge built between two people. It’s needed not only during crises when fights or distance threaten the relationship. It’s often a way to learn new communication styles, understand your partner more deeply, and strengthen your bond before small misunderstandings turn into big problems. The formats of couples therapy vary. It might involve only joint sessions or a combination of individual and couples sessions. In some cases, two therapists may even work together. The duration depends on the specific issues and the specialist’s approach. While an individual session lasts about an hour, couples sessions are usually an hour and a half long.
However, there are situations when couples therapy doesn’t yield the desired results. This happens if only one partner is willing to work, if there is no genuine desire to save the relationship, if there is physical or psychological abuse (in which case the victim’s safety is the top priority), or when sessions are constantly canceled.
At its best, couples therapy becomes a path to a new quality of relationship: greater openness, trust, and the ability to see yourself not just as an individual but also as part of a union with another person.
Types and Approaches
Couples therapy comes in different forms, and the approaches vary just as much as the needs of the people seeking help.
Most psychotherapists in the Bronx identify three main types within this field:
- Marriage counseling.
This is work directly with a couple that wants to resolve difficulties in their relationship, from conflicts and misunderstandings to a loss of trust or emotional distance. The focus here is on the two partners.
- Family consultation.
A lighter option, usually short-term and focused on crisis moments like a fight, temporary distance, or a specific problem. It’s more like first aid for a couple.
- Family therapy.
This goes beyond just the couple. Children can also be involved, as conflicts between parents affect the entire family. The focus here is on the parent-child system and the overall atmosphere in the home.
But the difference isn’t just in the formats; it’s also in the approaches therapists use. Each one offers a different path to understanding. Therapists at Luminous Mental Health Counseling in the Bronx often use the following approaches:
- The Psychoanalytic approach looks for the roots of current conflicts in the past, in childhood traumas or behavioral patterns that we unconsciously bring into our present relationships.
- The Behavioral approach doesn’t dig as deep and is more like practical training. Here, partners learn new behaviors: how to listen, respect, and negotiate. This is often formalized in a “marital contract”—a specific agreement for change.
- The Humanistic approach is built on sincerity. It encourages openly expressing feelings, even aggression or resentment, but in a way that doesn’t escalate into a destructive conflict.
- The Systems approach views the relationship as a single network. It analyzes not just each person’s individual actions but also how they influence one another.
All of these approaches can be effective, but it’s important to find the one that resonates with you.
When to See a Couples Therapist
Couples most often seek therapy for the following reasons:
- Difficulty communicating—partners cannot openly express their needs or emotions, and even small things turn into serious arguments.
- Accumulated conflicts—fights repeat themselves, and reconciliations don’t bring relief.
- Loss of trust—betrayal, deception, or jealousy makes a partner doubt the strength of the relationship.
- Problems in their intimate life—a decline in desire, different needs, or a lack of intimacy.
- Life crises—the birth of a child, moving, financial difficulties, or new roles that cause stress.
- Emotional distance—when you live side by side but feel like strangers.
- Questions about the future—deciding whether to stay together or separate, planning for children, or making household or financial decisions.
However, this list of problems is not exhaustive. Some couples feel stuck, others are afraid of change, and some face difficulties due to a partner’s depression or other psychological conditions. Sometimes the reason isn’t even obvious; it’s just an unsettling feeling that “something’s not right.”
A therapist in a relationship is that third party who sees more. They help open up a new perspective: revealing what’s hidden behind arguments, why emotional distance occurs, and which needs are not being met. They are not a judge or an advocate for one partner, but a mediator who helps create a safe space for dialogue.
How to Choose a Therapist
When you decide to see a therapist, it’s important to know a few rules that will help you distinguish a professional from a self-proclaimed advisor. There are several key points:
- A therapist cannot be your friend, colleague, or teacher. This immediately creates a dual relationship and hinders objectivity.
- A specialist must have a basic psychology degree, and a family therapist should have a specialized qualification. Don’t be shy about asking for documentation of their credentials. Remember, this is about your mental health and your relationship with a loved one.
- Before the first meeting, the specialist should clarify the reason for your visit to make sure it’s within their expertise.
- Meetings should not take place in cafes or parks, but in a private office or online, while still maintaining confidentiality.
- Right from the start, you should be aware of the terms: the length of the session, the price, and the cancellation policy.
- A professional adheres to ethical standards and, ideally, belongs to a psychotherapeutic community. This is important for your protection: if something unethical happens, you have a place to file a complaint.
- A therapist does not make life decisions for you—they won’t tell you whether you should get a divorce or quit your job. Their task is to help you better understand yourself, cope with your emotions, and find your own answers.
It sometimes happens that a person is already in individual therapy, and the psychotherapist may then invite their partner to a few consultations to explain how best to offer support. But it’s important to note: the same therapist cannot be both your personal therapist and your couples counselor. In such cases, they should refer you to a colleague.
Couples Psychology in the Bronx
Luminous Mental Health Counseling is a modern practice that openly works with various types of relationships, from married and domestic partners to same-sex couples. They don’t just listen; they also consider past traumas and carefully examine the dynamics of interaction.
A more affordable option is the Parnes Clinic, a training clinic at Yeshiva University. This is a place where future therapists gain experience under the supervision of seasoned colleagues. For clients, this means quality help at a lower price, sometimes even for a symbolic fee depending on income.
Another option is Zencare, an online directory through which you can find the right specialist for you. It’s easy to filter by specialty, location, and even whether the therapist works with Healthfirst or MetroPlus insurance.
There are also more specialized practices, like Artful Couples Therapy by Ivy Austin, a licensed marriage and family therapist. The name itself indicates that the main focus here is specifically on couples’ relationships.
The cost of a session depends on the specialist’s experience, the length of the meeting, and whether it’s the first one (initial consultations are often slightly more expensive). But there are also flexible options, such as a sliding scale, where the price is adjusted based on income. Insurance plans sometimes partially cover the cost, though not all companies pay specifically for couples therapy.