People with low self-esteem often struggle to find happiness, as their lives are filled with doubt and disappointment. In contrast, those who are self-confident live vibrant, fulfilling lives, moving confidently toward their goals. A woman with low self-esteem may feel she doesn’t deserve happiness and subconsciously holds herself back in various aspects of life. To change this, one must work on oneself—there is no other way. In this article, bronxanka.com explores the factors that shape a woman’s self-esteem and offers effective methods to boost it.
Low vs. High Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is a person’s perception of their own worth compared to others and an evaluation of their own qualities. It is crucial for healthy social functioning and achieving life goals, such as success, self-fulfillment, family happiness, and both material and spiritual well-being. The primary functions of self-esteem include protection, regulation of personal choices, and motivation for growth.
Self-confidence helps in making important and timely decisions, whereas underestimating one’s abilities depletes personal energy, causing constant doubt and leading to overthinking instead of taking action.
Signs of low self-esteem:
- Excessive self-criticism
- Dissatisfaction with oneself
- Pathological jealousy
- High sensitivity to criticism and others’ opinions
- Constant indecisiveness
- Neglecting self-care and personal needs
- Fear of making mistakes
- A constant need to justify one’s actions
- Envy of others’ success
- Tolerating toxic relationships
- A desire to please everyone
- A pessimistic and negative outlook on life
Signs of high self-esteem:
- Acceptance of one’s physical appearance
- Self-confidence
- The ability to say “no”
- Willingness to learn from mistakes
- Calmly accepting both criticism and compliments
- Ease in communicating with new people
- The ability to express one’s needs and emotions
- Respecting others’ opinions while valuing one’s own
- Attention to one’s physical and emotional health
- Balanced personal growth
- Setting personal boundaries
A person with healthy self-esteem assesses themselves and their abilities realistically, considering the context. At the same time, they can form reasonable expectations for themselves and others.
Self-Esteem Test
Bronx-based psychologist Reagan Anusionwu suggests a simple test to assess your current self-perception.
This self-esteem test consists of several simple questions. Answer only “yes” or “no,” and then count the number of “yes” answers.
- Do you often criticize yourself for mistakes?
- Do you tend to worry about minor things?
- Do you enjoy gossiping about acquaintances with friends?
- Does criticism deeply upset you?
- Do you lack clear goals and avoid planning your life?
- Do you avoid sports and physical activity?
- Are you easily offended by careless remarks?
- In an unfamiliar group, do you prefer to stay in the background?
- Do you struggle to hold a conversation when meeting people of the opposite sex?
- Do you often criticize others and envy their success?
Test Results: 1 to 3 “yes” answers suggest you have healthy self-esteem. More than 3 “yes” answers indicate that your self-esteem may be low and could use some attention.
Why Self-Esteem Is a Key Issue for Women
The problem of low self-esteem is particularly significant for women for several reasons:
- Social Expectations and Stereotypes
Women often face pressure from high societal standards regarding their appearance, behavior, and role. Stereotypes perpetuated by media and culture can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-dissatisfaction.
- The Influence of Media
The media frequently presents unrealistic images of female beauty and success, creating unattainable standards and increasing self-criticism among women. It has been shown that with the rise of Instagram and other social media platforms, women’s levels of self-doubt have significantly increased.
- Role Conflict
Women typically juggle multiple roles—from professional duties to family and household responsibilities. The difficulty of balancing these roles can lead to a feeling of not meeting expectations and, consequently, low self-esteem.
- Gender Inequality
Despite significant progress toward gender equality, women still face discrimination at work and in other areas of life, which negatively impacts their self-esteem and confidence.
- Childhood and Family Trauma
Women are more often victims of emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. Such traumatic experiences can have a lasting impact on their self-esteem.
- Personal Life and Relationships
Women may feel societal pressure to have perfect relationships or a family. A 30-year-old single man is considered normal, whereas women of the same age and status are often asked “uncomfortable questions.”
Tips for Boosting Self-Esteem
Reagan Anusionwu has nine years of experience in psychology, runs his own clinic in the Bronx, and frequently works with women specifically on improving their self-esteem. Here are a few tips from the experienced psychologist:
- Use Positive Affirmations Correctly.
Popular positive phrases, such as “I will achieve great success!”, can have a negative effect on people with low self-esteem. This happens because such statements contradict their core beliefs. Ironically, these affirmations are only effective for those who already have high self-esteem. For them to work for those who feel insecure, they need to be adapted. For example, instead of “I will achieve great success!”, try saying, “I will work hard to achieve success!”.
- Identify and Develop Your Skills.
If you pride yourself on your cooking skills, host more dinner parties. If you feel confident in sports, compete and train more. If you know that knowledge and intellect are your strengths, attend trivia nights, quizzes, and escape rooms. Identify your key skills and seek opportunities where you can showcase them.
- Practice Self-Compassion Instead of Self-Criticism.
When our self-esteem is low, we often worsen it with self-criticism. To improve self-esteem, it’s crucial to replace this criticism with self-compassion. When your inner voice starts criticizing you, ask yourself what you would say to a close friend in the same situation. We are usually more compassionate toward others than ourselves. Say the same words of support to yourself that you would offer a friend. This will help prevent your self-esteem from dropping further and encourage it to grow.
Techniques and Exercises to Improve Self-Esteem
- “The Wheel of Self-Esteem”
Draw a circle, divide it into 4-6 sections, and label each segment with different aspects that affect your self-esteem, such as appearance, relationships, self-development, etc. Then, for each aspect, come up with three simple actions you can take in the near future to boost your self-esteem. For example, for self-development, the steps could be:
1) take a course on a topic that interests you;
2) share your thoughts and impressions on social media;
3) apply your new knowledge in a practical way.
- “Be Your Own Clown”
For this exercise, dress in an unusual and funny way. Start with one strange element—a wig, hair curlers, a large tie. Go outside, enter stores, and act as if this is your normal look. You will definitely feel uncomfortable, but it will help lower your threshold for caring about what others think.
- “The Journal”
Try keeping a journal where you record all the positive events and achievements of the day. Praise yourself for any success, no matter how small it seems. This could be reading a book, doing a morning workout, helping a friend, or successfully completing a difficult task at work. By focusing on pleasant moments, you cultivate positive thinking and reduce self-criticism. It’s recommended to review your entries from time to time to see your progress and accomplishments.